The Power of Setting Boundaries: Lessons from Proverbs 22

My husband and I have been going through the Bible together this year, and we’ve recently been in the book of Proverbs.  Last week, we were in Proverbs 22, and these verses almost leapt off the page for me!

Don’t befriend angry people or associate with hot-tempered people, or you will learn to be like them and endanger your soul.
Proverbs 22:24-25 (NLT)

There’s so much we can dissect here, but I want to talk about what it means to me personally. I actually talk a little about this in my upcoming bible study, Reading the Bible with Purpose: the Book of James.

James talks a lot about controlling our tongues and how just a small spark can set a forest on fire, and that used to be my life when it came to my words and angry outbursts. I could leave a conversation setting everyone behind me ablaze and never look back. I’ve spent a lot of my life laughing it off that our family just has a quick-to-anger-quick-to-speak trait.

While it may be true it’s a characteristic of our family, at one point I had to remind myself I have been adopted into God’s family, and that’s not a trait of his family. Once I truly realized this, I asked the Holy Spirit to break that generational pattern from me because it’s not who I am.

Now, I skipped what seems like a million steps in there. First, I had to admit I had an anger problem, and that didn’t come easily. That verse in James 1 that says we should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry was something I wasn’t accustomed to, and I felt justified in my anger and speaking loudly about it. I wasn’t immediately ready to change that. This first step alone took years. Then, it seemed like even more years to see a change because I kept trying to change it on my own.

It’s a domino effect, y’all. This made me realize I had a control problem, and I was back at the first step – admitting I had a problem.

I wasn’t allowing the Holy Spirit to change me. I was trying to control it myself and make the change myself, and then I beat myself up when I failed.

You see where I’m going here?

Once I really allowed the Holy Spirit to work on me and in me, I had to set some boundaries. While writing the guide, Freedom from Yourself: A Guide to Discovering the Root of Triggers and Negative Patterns in Your Life, I learned what triggered these angry outbursts, and one was being around others who had similar tendencies. Through a lot of prayer, I realized I needed to set boundaries and limit my time with them.

Setting boundaries is so hard sometimes, isn’t it?

Even before Jesus walked the earth, Solomon spoke about setting boundaries in this Scripture. People had to set boundaries with me in my days of regular angry outbursts that caused so much destruction.

I’ll be honest. It was hard for me to accept when those boundaries were set to keep me at bay.

Now I understand.

Whether you find yourself in a pattern of anger and hot-tempered outbursts yourself, or you have someone close to you who is, it’s time to break free because it’s a stronghold weighing you down.

Do you need to set boundaries? What does that look like for you? How can you set boundaries without hurting someone?

This is something that looks different for everyone, but Proverbs says if you don’t set boundaries and limit time with hot-tempered and angry people, you will become like them, and it will affect your soul.

It sounds harsh, but it’s time to place your soul before people’s feelings. It took people limiting time with me for me to open my eyes to what I was doing. While setting boundaries are definitely there to protect your soul, they very well can help the other person see the damage they’ve caused.

Go to God today asking where and how you need to set boundaries.

What can you do this week to begin setting those boundaries for yourself?